cknd:

Dreams would be much more fun if they were multi-player servers that other sleeping people could join.

(via quesadelicious)

disappears:

can i politely murder you

(via quesadelicious)

askstarguardian:

guidetrainlove:

One that maintains a conversation record.YES
FUCKING
PLEASE

It must!

askstarguardian:

guidetrainlove:

One that maintains a conversation record.

YES

FUCKING

PLEASE

It must!

(Source: damianshadow, via baguettesaremylove)

camembertlylegal:

deadlydinos:

Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”

"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"

Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock

I bet that is the happiest dog

(via super-who-lockian-intheimpala)

aconnormanning:

once-upon-a-time-and-space:

I found the giraffes making love on the  TFIOS movie

NO FUCKING WAY. CHILL. CHILL OUT EVERYONE. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

(via super-who-lockian-intheimpala)

benedictervention:

gottaspendapenny:

By George, I think he’s got it! ;)

Yay!!!! At last!

(via super-who-lockian-intheimpala)

Early Feminists: Oh hey, we see that you can vote. We would like to vote also. I mean, since most of those laws effect us too and all.
Men: YOU JUST WANT SUPERIORITY OVER MEN!
Mid-century Feminists: Hey, that whole thing about how you can have careers and earn a living wage outside the home? Yes that sounds nice, we'd like the option to do that as well.
Men: YOU WANT A MATRIARCHY, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!
Late 20th century Feminists: Hey we would like to make our own choices about our reproductive health, just like you've always had.
Men: YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE MEN'S RIGHTS AWAY!
Modern-day feminists: Hey, if you could you stop sexually assaulting/harassing us and them blaming us for it, that'd be pretty great.
Men: THIS IS MISANDRY, MISANDRY I SAY! FEMINISTS HAVE GONE TOO FAR!
Feminists: Um...
Men: THE END OF MEN IS NIGH! MALE OPPRESSION IS REAL! THE MATRIARCHAL AGE IS UPON US!

casey-haunter:

hogwartsisbiggerontheinside:

somedonkusfromasgard:

greatleapsforward:

meowitsraygun:

meowitsraygun:

I’m gonna start an all girl punk band that sings really offensive songs like, “I don’t know how to tell you you’re bad at oral.”

Our second song is going to be called “My eyelashes are longer than your dick.”

id listen to you guys.

Another song could be “Christ will come before I do.”

Oh my god

I’m already a fan. I want merch.

(via baguettesaremylove)

soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

(via baguettesaremylove)

buttermilkqueen:

dont u dare treat ur animals like shit in front of me i will end ur life son

(Source: beeblejuice, via baguettesaremylove)